FAERIE'S ONLY! HUMANS, STAY OUT! READ NO FURTHER!

VOL.1 ISSUE 2.

HUMANS: This is not your paper. Do not read this.

IF YOU ARE NOT A FAERIE, THEN STOP READING THIS NOW! You can read the TIMES of FAE by clicking here now.

These periodicals are called periodicals because they are periodical.

We therefore cannot and will not tell you when or if another one will ever be written. This may also contain adult-ish content and may not be suitable reading material for small children, infants or pets.

NEW NEWS

In the Land of Fae, hundreds of faerie kids are making lists and checking them twice.

This year, an unprecidented amount of faerie children are crossing over to Earth-side in far greater numbers than originally predicted, and they're returning to the Land of Fae with some pretty heavy demands.

Most of our young ones are expecting to receive gifts on or around December 25th. The children are making great long lists of all kinds of unbelievable but imaginable things they desire to aquire.

Thousands of young faeries have already made friends with human children since crossing over to Earthside, and an even greater number are in observance without contact. They are learning from human children about a personal God who goes by the name of Santa.

He sounds very much like a faerie who long ago used to deliver gifts to only the most benevolent and loving children in the realm. We called him Fanta. We faeries suspect that this Santa fellow was created in the likeness of our very own beloved Fanta Paws.

We are almost certain if he is a real guy or even a God, he isn't doing all this gift-giving on his own.

The Faerie Beureau of Investigation has a strong inkling of where this money is coming from. It seems the former President of America, Earth-side, has negotiated a very large amount of money, which he has banked on the heads of his great-great-great-great-great-grand-children, nieces and nephews.

When questioned, this man, ironically named President Bush, stated "What the heck? We'll be dead, and so we won't know them anyway, heh heh."

We are suspecting that some very grown up human children who are naughty and not very nice at all, have also been getting gifts from this giant care package from the future.

The expectation of getting gifts this season created a great stir in the Land of Fae. Faeries are used to gifting on Friendship Day or on any day or time of their choosing, but now feel obligated to provide presents for friends, relatives, and even frienemies.

This has caused a strain in many a household in the town of Smallsville, where the town council has held several meetings, and has even hired a few old homeless faeries to answer letters on behalf of this God who goes by the name of Santa.

Apparently the kids expect this being to give them all gifts in the middle of one particular night, just like it happened in Washington, Earth-side.

A NEW PROBLEM: Humans now suffer from more self-defined and manifested diseases than ever before. Children now have things that don't even have names, like ADD and ADHD and MS. Their parents have PTSD and need to see an MD or a PHD. Mothers often suffer from PMS and many a father has is filled with BS. How on Earth-side are faeries expected to keep up with all of these diseases? And how can we get humans to see that these are mostly created illnesses that can be un-created?

Berdie Tweedle says it's all about education. "From the moment we are knee-high to these human critters they are taught to believe in death and in suffering and in illness. They have great proof of course, because they see it in their loved ones, who do indeed die from various issues." said Tweedle. "It's in our best interest to nip these dis-eases in the bud with some comfort and rum." Mr. Tweedle then proceeded to fall under the table and pass out.

HUNTING SEASON WAS 3RD-SAFEST THIS YEAR FOR HUMANS, BUT NOT FOR DEER

Each year, humans dress in bright orange and take their guns to the woods. They go on a simultaneous animal masacre. Humans seem sane at the time, but must lose their rationality during the fall and winter months. They hunt for small animals and birds, and mostly, for our friends, the deer.

We're not sure why so many humans tend to do this. It could be some kind of rutting dilerium or an imbalance due to the change in light. Whatever the reason, if you see a human in bright orange, keep a distance even if you are invisible.

This year, humans boasted about havingtheir 3rd-safest year, which can't be good news for our animal friends.

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THE NEXT PARAGRAPH, FAERIE CHILDREN, PLEASE DON'T READ ON...Many humans will kill the deer, decapitate it and stuff the head like a pillow before mounting it on their wall. This is a most disturbing action. Especially when it's done with no reverence for life what-so-ever, and when the deer's life is wasted without even harvesting it's life-force tissue for food.

Humans seem to only consider this behavior in-humane when it's done to other humans. With all the laws they like to make, one would think humans would have made a law against that kind of psychotic behavior long ago.

(no offense to hunters who harvest FOOD reverently and with a conscience, we aren't talking to you.)

WIRELESS ETHERS-NET IS A DYNAMIC VEHICLE FOR TELEPATHIC COMMUNICATION AMONG FAERIES.

Since humans developed the infrastructure for internetting, we faeries have taken the opportunity to also use the ethers-net to send and receive telepathic messages. This compliments our natural ability to communicate with thought-speak, but also gives us a much higher degree of accuracy.

It is the perfect system for us to express ourselves and our wishes. It is also a great way for us to vote on what we want or don't want. A proposal that would significantly alter or affect any part of the Universe is taken to vote by all in the land of fae who care about the proposed issue.

This beats the old system of counting wings, ayes or nays.

OLD NEWS

The newer news is that Humans are in an economic depressionn. Humans of authority are suddenly pretending it's old news when in fact, it's really most likely manufactured news. Hmmm...

What you think about, you create. If you think the market has fallen, and so does everyone else, it IS fallen. If you and everyone else thinks there is a depression, then there IS a depression. Look at what has happened Earth-side and let it be a reminder of the power of thought.

Thoughts are contagious, thanks to the invention of the word. What do YOU think?

HUMAN-TO-FAERIE OFFERINGS

On Moonday, Miss Viola Trinket found an offering at the base of her tree. It was obviously a human offering because it contained many human items including a safety pin, a tiny lace doily, a thimble-ful of sweet milk and 2 thumbtacks.

Rose Blossom found an offering right outside the front door of her two-story house in the woods. The offering was a tiny faerie chair in just her size and shape. It was left by a young blonde girl about 4 human feet tall.

Lily Waterpad of Swansville found a dish of fine brandy and dark chocolate at woodsedge.

Daisy Muffin really took home the prize with the offering of the week. First, she found a faerie cottage, perfectly adorned with dazzling pink jewels, white lace and lots of tiny buttons. It was certainly the most glitzy house Daisy had ever seen. Later the same afternoon, she returned to find more offerings: a thimble of honey, an earring, 5 beads and a heart-shaped rock. There was also a tiny cup and saucer with a bit of warm milk and honey and on the saucer was a tiny round cookie and 3 chocolate chips. Whoever left this of fering must be very serious about making a faerie friend.

Hank Panky found an offerin' near his fishin' tree. A big old human guy left himself as an unconscious offering on the ground. There was also a can half-emptied of beer next to his head. Hank wrangled all his friends together but they could not lift the human, so they didn't take that offering. They did, however polish off the 1/2 can of beer.

HUMAN GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ARE FOUND TO BE CORRUPT.

Go figure. This is what happens when people are appointed or elected to positions that are at various levels of assumed or delegated superiority.

In the Land of Fae, we are not surprised that human leaders are corrupt, for with most beings it is nearly impossible to be revered and given great authority over a nation or society, without being corrupted by the position.

Beings in these "high" positions get offers from others that are hard to resist. Bribes, promises, blackmail and money are often offered in exchange for favors. The leader's integrity is challenged, and very few in those positions pass the test of truth and honor.

In the faerie society, we have tried to eliminate the cast system for this very reason. We, for the most part, now see each other as complete equals in society.

Long ago everyone was appreciated according to rank, but our spirit leaders, being of utmost integrity and goodness, could not let us be deceived any more once they realized we are all equal.

Our spirit (spiritual) leaders all stepped down, claiming that in achieving enlightenment, they had awakened to the fact that there is no higher position or greater value of one living being over another.

We found this to be an extremely humble move for our leaders to make, and of course this created more reverence for these great leaders, until we too became enlightened and stopped trying to put them on pedistals.

Real leaders don't need pedistals and the greatest leaders don't wish to be worshipped. The best leaders guide us toward peace, not war.

We don't see many human leaders offering to step down without great persuasion or blackmail. They don't want to give up what they call "power." Ironically, many humans don't know that true power is not necessarily elected power.

Mme. GOSSIP

Groan Rivers has been for the last few months tallying up all of the most unbelievably ugly or horrendously unrealistic fashion designs, and compiling them into a book called Ugly Faerie Fashions. Many of the Follywood fashion divas are worried that they might turn up on the list of unfashionable and unmentionables.

"Like, I just can't imagine if ...like I was getting out of a longneck bird charriot and, like, I might have accidentally had a little piece of toiletry tissue stuck on my high heel spike thorn shoe. Or, what if some of my tummy was hanging out a bit because, like, the flower petal shirt I was wearing withered a bit in the sun" Said Follywood socialite, Ferrits Piltsom

"I would TOTALLY hate to have Groan Rivers tear me up about my fashion-sense. And usually, I am quite fashionable, but there was that one full-length banana peel strappless gown that turned black and slimy as the night went on. I just don't want to be featured in a BOOK like that.

That's about all I could really handle in my interview with Ferrits, because she seemed to be on some kind of flippy nectar and all she talked about was her shoes and hair and clothes, and of course her wings which had just been redone by airbrusher, Marx Veaudau.

Groan Rivers refused to be interviewed because our new publishing laws require everyone to be nice and she wasn't sure she wanted to lie about an awful choice in attire - just to be nice.

Dear Miss Daisy Dragonfly,

I am a full grown adult human, mother of two. I am so concerned about money right now I just can't stand it. The whole World seems to be going down the tubes, and I don't know what I would do for a job after being a mother for so many years. I actually got a chain mail letter that said if I forwarded it to 10 people, the money faerie would reward me with money.

I actually sent the letter to my friends even though I hate spamming them with such things. No money came. Is there really even a money faerie? If there is, then why isn't he or she helping out all of us who are hurting financially?

Broke in Brooklyn

Dear Broke,

I do understand your concerns. The times humans are going through right now are just a great catalyst to help them with the change that's happening. Humans are on a path to better times, but humans have turned into consumers that are possessive of things. They have placed objects above lives. If this was not true, then wars would not be fought.

Yes, there are wars that are fought over beliefs, but put Gandhi and Buddha and Jesus and all of the great spiritual leaders who have attained enlightenment together, and they would all say STOP fighting. They would direct humans back to the original and unmodified teachings, which do not encourage war because it's impossible to attain enlightenment through destructive actions.

Scriptures have been altered over the centuries and humans have added in a lot of their own words in order to manipulate or control masses of people.

Why would thousands of old texts containing valuable information about healing and enlightenment be destroyed if the intentions were good at the time? It was all about gaining control of the people. This is why many belief systems are incorporated into daily or weekly lives.

We have been there to witness it, and we have seen the lies and deceptions and fabrications humans have told each other in order to control and manipulate. This is all contrary to attaining true peace and enlightenment.

As for the money faerie, she is on strike now. She has seen how leaders and makers of fortunes have collaborated on a great scheme to dismantle the economic system. This creates a huge chasm between the rich and the poor, at the expense of others.

The money faerie is not going to bail out humans because she is so upset about people being blind to what's going on. It is very hard for her to sit back and watch, but she believes it is the only way people will realize what is going on and hopefully reverse course before it is too late. So humans, you are on your own for a while, and hopefully when you don't have money, you will learn how to take care of each other again.

Many good things are coming from this, but there may be some hard times in the mean-time.

Miss Daisy

Dear Miss Daisy Bee,

My brother does not bleeve in faeries and he does not bleeve that stuffed animals are alive. What shoud I do to convins him?I never ever saw a faerie,but I still bleeve in faeries. I hope you like the stuff I make. I hope you have a great Crismas.

from:Willow,to:Miss Daisy Bee.

My dear little Willow,

Brothers are notorious for being mean to little sisters and boys very often stop believing in such things sooner than girls do. It's too bad because once you start NOT believing then it is very unlikely you will see any faeries.

I'm so glad to know you have some stuffed animals with life. Many of the newer ones that are imported are really quite soul-less, but as you know, there are many that do indeed have great personalities. If your brother is likely to tease you about this, then I suggest you just don't talk to him about it. There's no need to convince anyone to believe in us or in other unseen beings. Just hang on to your own belief. It is a precious jewel, a connection to a great resource of help and love.

Keep your faerie friends a secret from those who will give you a hard time about them, and introduce them to other friends who you suspect might also believe or be open to believing.

Also, it's very difficult for most humans to see faeries, but we show ourselves in different ways. For example, maybe you KNOW you put something somewhere, but it turns up somewhere else. You might get thoughts that are very deep and not like your own thoughts. You might get great inspiration while you are making things or playing music or writing. Often this is an influence from faeries. We don't want to take credit for your own works. We don't need credit any more. Just be aware of tiny strange incidences and coincidences. Likely a faerie or other elemental being is involved.

Daisy

WANTED, FOR SALE, I SAW YOU AND WHAT HAVE YA.

I need a tutor. I don't know how to do my FFTs (fauna, flower, trees) I'm falling behind in Aninalgibra and my lightening level is below 333gtzb. My teacher might have to teach me again and I would like to keep up with my class-friends. Moondays are the best time for me. respond to 14485A

I lost a tooth. I was flying over Joey Knockknees house and I think I dropped it down the chimney. I'm afraid if I don't find it soon, one of Santa's sneaky elves might get it. It had a gold filling and I gave a perfectly good quarter for it. It's MINE! I'm willing to trade a Spark'nAsh faerie two bits for it if he or she can find it. reply to Toothfaerie or 14486A

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